Kirk or Picard, you decide...

I...am a geek. In the classic sense of the word though. Growing up, I loved sci-fi... I played Dungeons & Dragons the old fashioned way....by using my imagination. I actually wore a pocket protector for a short period of time. I finally stopped when I could no longer take the beatings I got routinely after school. I used to be the really annoying smart kid who never seemed to need to study to make good grades. Some of my classmates and teachers alike, viewed me with equal disdain. I stress the phrase "used to be". Girls and music brought that to a screeching halt however, much to my mother's dismay.

The geek in me has been reliving the glory days by watching old Star Trek shows again. I have several seasons of the original and TNG on DVD. I have mentioned that I'm a geek right? I digress...

I've begun to notice a very odd thing however by watching those shows again. I have a fairly explosive theory to posit. Well, explosive to other geeks like me. It is my hypothesis that the ship and crew from the original series are much tougher and more "sea-worthy" than the ship and crew of Next Generation. Beyond the obvious styles of Captaincy of Kirk and Picard, the ship from TNG is really a piece of junk. The crew comes off every now and then as latte' sipping yuppies trying desperately to keep their flying tub aloft.

I know how that would ripple through the geek universe if it were widely known. I can faintly hear the snapping of pencils and the whir of computers sparking to life. Chaos would reign supreme if that little theory made it to wider view. It would be anarchy I tell you.

Let me state part of my case and let the reader decide.

New ship: Every time they got near an asteroid field, the sensors stopped working. Who made the damn sensors? Nextel?

Old Ship: Scotty could make that thing go to warp just by tapping on a display panel. "Just jiggle the handle Captain."

New ship: Every time they went near anything with the word "anomaly" in the name, the engines would crap out. Poor Geordi got worked to death.

Old ship: Kirk once did a "fly-by" with the ship, bringing it into Earth's atmosphere. Like it was a Camaro on hot blacktop.

New ship: Data, an android who wants to experience emotion. What's next...skin creme and a manicure?

Old ship: Mr. Spock, half-human, half-Vulcan who wants to be devoid of emotion. Easier to blast the bad guy that way.

New ship: Picard was an experienced, effective diplomat. He could talk his way through any door.

Old ship: Kirk knew where the photon torpedo button was and used it often. He never even noticed the door.

New ship: Picard has destroyed three different ships thus far. I have to question the wisdom of Starfleet that they would continue to let this man fly the "flagship" of the Federation. He treated the Enterprise like a drunken teenager treats his dad's BMW.

Old ship: That ship flew until it was invaded by Klingons. Kirk even stole the ship once to go pick Spock up for an interstellar kegger. Gutsy move dude!

New ship: One female member of the crew regularly showed cleavage ...Counsellor Troi. The ship was always blowing a phase inducer or some such critical component.

Old ship: EVERY female member of the crew showed cleavage. The fact that the old ship performed as well as she did with all that eye-candy around, is a testament to how sturdy she was.

New ship: Typical dialog..."We need to realign the coil emissions to match the new frequency of the rammistat core Captain, or we're all going to die." What the hell does that even MEAN?

Old ship: Typical dialog..."He's dead, Jim" I know EXACTLY what that means.

New ship: Picard was once captured by the Cardassians and tortured mercilessly while suspended from some terrible device. Oh, he was naked too. He also got "violated" by the Borg and assimilated.

Old ship: Kirk got stuck inside a planet and still managed to find his way out. He didn't take crap from anybody. He was once forced to make out with Uhura. Terrible punishment that must have been. Where do you sign up for torture like that?

Of course...these opinions are my own. I love both shows but I seem to have finally found my preference. I may start in on watching all the movies in order as well. Just to complete my little journey of self-discovery. I have them all by the way...I seem to recall mentioning that I am a .....geek.