Reform we can all believe in...at last!

I have it on good authority that house Republicans have drafted a bill that will bring sweeping change to another segment of our economy that has seen prices for it's services skyrocket out of control in the last ten years. This service is every bit as critical as health care and has consequences just as far reaching as climate change. I applaud their attempt to bring this under government control to give all of us equal access to it's services. It's about time this group, with it's huge lobbying arm and enormous political influence is made affordable to everyone and not just the wealthy. I'm talking of course...

about lawyers.

This new bill, if passed, will finally make legal services affordable for every American, not just the OJ types who can buy the best defense that money can buy. Some of the parts of this new bill spell out clearly the ways legal services will be rationed out to the public. I'll cite a few examples here;

Sec. 2.1.34a - At no time, shall an attorney collect more than 2% of his client's base salary on any judgment, award or other monetary gain resulting from a claim of damages. All monetary rewards shall be under the supervision of the "Damages Czar" and subject to review by a panel appointed by the President.

Sec.4.31.1c - All attorneys shall be reviewed on a yearly basis by the "Attorney Czar" and/or his/her appointed panel to show cause why they should be allowed to continue to practice law in the United States. Those found deficient will subsequently have their licenses revoked and assigned to job retraining to find employment in some other vital area...like working for UPS or Blockbuster. Said attorney shall work outside the legal system for a period of no less than five (5) years before being allowed to reenter the legal field, subject to review by the "Reentry Czar".
(One of my personal favorites)

Sec. 3.2.45.1a - Any criminal defense attorney found to have knowingly worked for, and consequently won acquittal as the result of a "technicality", a guilty client, will subsequently be made to serve the same sentence as the offender, irrespective of crime, income level or education level.

Sec. 1.2.1d - The costs associated with legal services shall henceforth be subject to a qualifier denoting income level and those persons found to be earning less than $150,000 per year shall receive free legal care. This amount may change should Joe Biden wander near a microphone.

Sec. 14.4.56a - No attorney shall be allowed to hold public office until such time as he/she has spent a period of time no less than 3 years outside the legal system and has demonstrated an ability to live amongst the "common folk". Heretofore referred to as the "Mobile Home" clause.

Sec. 17.5.34f Henceforth, no attorney shall be allowed to advertise on radio, cable, television, any print media or any other media not yet invented. Be happy we're letting you stay in the phone book.

Sec.4.32.11 All citizens shall be provided, on a one time basis, free use of up to but not exceeding, three (3) "legal eagles", those attorneys rated highest on their review by the Attorney Czar to provide defense in severe, serious or catastrophic circumstances. This will hereafter be referred to as the "Dream Team " clause. Remember, if the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.

I'm obviously making a joke here but it's important to demonstrate the absurdity in having the government run something so vital as health care. Are Medicaid and Medicare running so smoothly and flawlessly that we would knowingly allow the government to take over the health of the entire country?
The current system is flawed but still remains the best in the world, with more life saving and life changing research and treatments being made available every day. Any good that may come from the Medicare and Medicaid system must be granted to the thousands of health care professionals who dispense care, not the the Federal Government. All the government does is to provide an avenue for those services, not for the services themselves. Sadly, for those who need to travel down that avenue, they find it filled with obstacles, potholes and speed bumps that inevitably reduce it's overall effectiveness.

Having written this piece leaves me wondering what other areas the government would be more adept at handling over the private sector. How about Government Run Automotive mechanics...or plumbers? I'd thought maybe the government should have a hand in the news and information business but it seems these days...they already do.